All of Me: My Curves, my Edges, my Perfect Imperfections...

As a final project, I was asked to assess my health and journey to become integrated. Well, I am posting this for the world to see. On the left, me at 25 years old, the right, 45 years old.

My integration is real. What most can see is my size, what I see is in my eyes, my heart and spirit. I was broken and hurting many years ago. But through developing my mind, body and spirit, I am a new creature. My son gave me the superhero name, Phoenix Rizing. He said I have emerged from the ashes, stronger, better than ever! That has to be the greatest compliment a mother could ever hear.

Creating wellness involves integrating many aspects of your life: psychological, spiritual and physical. Before starting classes at Kaplan, I was on a journey to make my life more meaningful in every way. I started to address my physical life, first, because it was the most obvious to others and myself. Being over weight and not having a positive self -image affected everything I did; from work, to school, raising my children and what they were learning from me. My relationships suffered under the weight of my emotional stress. Always feeling judged and assuming that others judged me in a negative way created a constant state of stress. I did all the things the world told me to do to lose weight, eat less, and exercise more, calories in and calories out. I yo-yo dieted my way up to 300lbs. I was more depressed than ever. It manifested with anger, disconnection from my relationships, sarcasm, and a host of other negative emotions. I realized this was no way to live. So I began to search for a different way.

Psychologically, I knew there was something missing. So I sought help from a professional counselor. We begin to explore the reasons why I responded to things so negatively; we talked very little about my weight. Oddly, the more we discussed my emotions, the easier it was for me to exercise, make better food choice and lose weight. It wasn’t from a lack of knowledge, trust me, I did all the research on diet and exercise. But having someone to validate my emotions and guide me towards a new way of thinking opened the door to reducing my stress and allowing my body to work better, naturally. This opened the door for my spiritual growth. Although my counselor helped in many ways, I have always known that there is an energy that extends far beyond me, this life. I needed to reconnect. I slowly re-introduced myself back into the church. Quietly, I went only to listen. Then I began to ask questions and seek more information from books, spiritual leaders, friends, and strangers. I was lead to a deeper practice of prayer and meditation: a comfortable blend of stress management and faith. I gained the courage to try new things, close doors on bad relationships and seek positive ways to invest in my whole life. Kaplan University became a part of that investment. It gave a name to all of the things I had experienced over the last 5 years; they called it integrated health.

As a healthcare professional, it is so important that I continue to develop all aspects of my life. I realize that as I learn, my actions teach others. This will create a connection, a bonding of life experiences, which we as individuals need to grow. Success is never final; this is a continuing journey that I intend to take. Physically, I need to continue to seek health in both nutrition and daily exercise. Psychologically and spiritually, daily practice in prayer and meditation will allow me to reduce stress, while creating time to explore my dreams and thoughts to best serve others as a wellness professional.

Assessing myself in each domain can be as easy as using a rating scale from 1-10. Physically, 7; psychologically, 8; spiritually, 6. I know that physically I need to continue to set goals to move forward. It is very easy to lose sight if I become unbalanced in other areas of my life. With all of the task, school, work, home, my personal life gets little attention. That’s when I use exercise as a way to stay connected with others. Meeting a friend for a walk in the park or committing to taking the stairs or working out together has been helpful those times I just didn’t feel like moving. It is always easier for me to keep my promise to others; but I am learning that keeping promises to myself is just as important. Mentally and spiritually setting goals are more challenging. It requires faith and trust; two emotions that I have struggled with. But I am pleased with my progress and it is reflected in my journals as I write my experiences down. Journaling is a great way to see how far you have come in your thought process and practice.

To develop in all areas I have set goals: my intentions. Physically, I use my Fitbit to monitor that I exercise a minimum of 30 minutes a day, and walk no less than 10,000 steps. This electronic monitor is great because is takes all the information and syncs with my computer without me having to do anything. My calories burned and level of exercise are documented, and the results are indisputable. I look for my Fitbit to “celebrate” when I cross 10,000 steps. I expect that buzzer to go off early in the day, if not, I know I have work to do. Mentally and spiritually, I have set aside 30-40 minutes every morning for prayer and meditation. These are two different activities for me. During meditation, I use visualization on implementing task or completing steps to bring my wellness center to life. I pick small things, like the color of the offices, the music, the scents, things that make this place feel real to me. Then I pray that when I am unable to see past the obstacles, God will continue to guide me and strengthen me to have faith to move forward. For my personal life, I try once a week to do something out of my comfort zone; go out alone and meet new people, attend a function and make a connection, start a conversation. It sometimes is challenging for me because I stay to myself a lot. But I have gotten better at trying.

            

The task I use to foster goal development is a combination of things I have been doing for quite some time. I use interval treadmill training 3-5 days a week, along with weight training and yoga. It is not always in a formal setting, however, setting a goal of attending a yoga class twice a week and the interval training helps keep me focused on a routine. It becomes a part of my life like eating or brushing my teeth. I love to ride my bike to the store or park far away from work to add a physical component to routine task. For mental health, I have included the subtle mind exercise and visualization as daily exercises. To further foster growth and a deeper understanding, I am researching guided meditation courses in my area to attend. Finally, there is no substitution for prayer. Everyday I have a safe place to go, reconnecting to a strong foundation in my Christian faith, developing a sincere and profound respect for other faiths, and becoming more open to learn and share the experiences in my community. Serving others has become so important for me. So becoming more active in my church, developing a community garden where I can learn to grow foods for a sustainable life, and teach others is my newest passion. This is an opportunity to integrate mind, body and spirit as we work the land and share our life lessons together. We expect outreach services to spring from this project, going deeper into the community and touching the lives of others in need of good health, and connection.

 My commitment will be well documented in the programs and services I participate in with my community. I recently helped to present a health fair for my community, bringing education of preventative care and chronic illness management. The ground work has been done for our community garden; I am in charge of land management and composting. My activities keep my physically fit, cleaning, tilling, mulching and seeding over 15,000 square feet of land is not easy! But so very gratifying.   I will continue to journal, if not everyday, at least once a week to be sure that I am meeting my goals. And if I see myself slipping back into old habits, I will reset by using my six-week setting intention plan to get back on track. These six weeks are dedication to focusing one thing that will improve my over all well-being. If my weight is an issue, I may focus on journaling my food intake or the intensity of my workouts. If my spirit is low, I will seek guidance, maybe revisit my counselor to work on strategies together.

The most important lesson I have learned over this experience is I am worth it all; the good, the bad, the indifferent. This is my life. My experiences have given me an opportunity to grow and explore in the most profound ways. I could not be where I am today without the trials of the past. Everyday I look forward to saying that I have successfully managed another challenge; by faith, hard work, compassion, love and intentionally wanting to seek happiness for others and myself.

Walk by Faith, Not by Sight

 We all talk about faith, but few put words to action. Stepping outside of the comfort zone of conventional wisdom takes faith, time, and a willingness to expand our minds to the possibility that there is a better way. The subtle mind meditation practice helps me to walk by faith. Each time I practice, I give myself permission to witness my thoughts without judgment. The subtle mind practice helps to move me from witnessing, to calm-abiding, to eventually unity consciousness. I feel a greater sense of peace every time I practice. My sessions vary in duration, but I have been consistent with a daily practice of no less than 15 minutes each day.

As I continue to become more comfortable with my thoughts, the visualization technique is more useful. I set goals for the day and after I have allowed my mind to quiet, I than picture myself achieving that goal; what is feels like, looks like, how my emotions are when I have achieved it. This is a wonderful way to prepare for the things to come.  My mental fitness is growing stronger everyday! I feel more confident, rested, and purposeful in my thoughts. Just a little time each morning has changed my type A personality to a much calmer, level headed person.

Using meditation to witness my thoughts on things that happen in my life, where I want to go and how I can take steps to get there, has made me less reactive, more emotionally stable. It is difficult to remember how disconnected I was before regular practice. I would encourage everyone to try meditation. If you are uncomfortable practicing alone, check local groups for lessons on guided meditation, or this link: Guided Meditations. Download sessions and practice anywhere, anytime you have a moment to quiet your mind.

"Just Enough to Prime the Well..."

Prior to listening to the meditation practice of the day I heard this story; A man that had been lost in the desert for days was at the end of his supplies. No food, no water, no hope. He stumbled across a well with a container of water and a note. The note read, "Do not drink this water, it is to prime the well." Not knowing if the well had water the man had to chose, drink the water for a couple of days, or risk it and prime the well in hopes there was more water.

I sit quietly, my focus on the image of a God so pure, so strong, so true that I cannot give the image a face. It is just a presence. I  can visualize light coming from this image directly to me, through me. Thoughts of the day drift away as I am drawn to the light. My mind is light, there is less concept of time. Suddenly, in the silence I hear a voice say, "Just enough to prime the well." Those words were etched in my mind for the rest of the day. I realized that I have many hopes and dreams that I often limit to my small, obscured view. Having faith in something greater than yourself, that there is more there than you could ever see, takes an inner strength that meditation has helped me to tap into. Going to that place where I feel free to explore my mind and reach beyond the limits of this world...my quest to create an integral system within my community is my way of priming the well. I am preparing myself to take the risk and reach for what I can't see, but know is there.

Now I do have plenty of work to do before I can see this dream through. "One cannot lead another where one has not gone himself." The beauty of my struggle with my health and weight is that I can say I have been there. I understand the fight, I am still in it everyday. It is powerful to live by example. Meditation has changed my life; how I feel about myself, what's important, what I give value. It is so important to remember the struggle to relate to others while they are in transition. It gives the work I do authenticity.

Meditation has improved my outlook, my overall health. I can enjoy the present, while I prepare for the future. I know what I want, and I am willing to take risk by stepping away from the traditional and into the vastness of conscientiousness.

May I assist all individuals in finding health, happiness and wholeness

As I look over the horizon I say these words:

 May all individuals gain freedom from suffering.

May all individuals find sustained health, happiness, and wholeness.

May I assist all individuals in gaining freedom from suffering.

May i assist all individuals in finding health, happiness, and wholeness. 

This exercise gives me a sense of purpose, direction, and connection. It teaches me that everything that I do has an effect on others. What a powerful statement to know that you have the ability to create change, help others heal, maybe even find happiness. 

I realized that nothing I meditate on has anything to do with work, money, or material things. I find that the practice of loving kindness generates the instinct to reconnect with the purity that lives in us all. We often get distracted by things, but taking time to redirect our thoughts gives us a sense of the power of universal consciousness. 

One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

Taking inventory on the on the four aspects of my life, attempting to determine which needs the greatest attention. Well, that is quite a task. All of them need work. Psychospiritual work is daily. With prayer and meditation, I have been more consistent with finding a more peaceful way of connecting my life with more purpose. It's not always easy, in fact, most days, I'm left with more questions than answers. But I continue to practice knowing that I am better today than I was yesterday. 

Biologically,  I can become overwhelmed with staying motivated on improving my nutrition, fitness level and ability to self regulate. I make sure that I move my body everyday and eat well most days. Then the question becomes this: Am I the best I can be to represent the wellness center I want to create? I am not at my ideal body weight, but I feel healthy.  The world says I need to be in a smaller dress size, my spirit says I am healthier than I have ever been. Self image has been the thorn in my side for many years. I am closer than ever before to being stronger in this area, but it still needs work. 

Interpersonal aspects, relationships, family, community, have been a priority for me. I make an effort to tell those around me how much I appreciate them and how grateful I am for having shared time together. I think that if more people took the time to say thank you to one another, the level of stress would go down. We often live our lives feeling neglected and taken for granted. I want to do my part to minimize that feeling, because I have lived with it for far to many years. Practicing gratitude has freed my heart to live a better life, a happier life. 

As I grow in the practice of gratitude, worldly connections grow exponentially. An awareness for social activism and how my life interconnects with the world around me directs the food I eat, the clothes I wear, the choices of my life. We are interdependent and should take responsibility to be good stewards to ourselves and the world around us. 

To foster a greater awareness in the areas that need more focus, I set my intentions in small blocks. For changes physically, I will reset my strategy every six weeks. I may focus on improving the number of steps I take, train for a short run, or add something beneficial to my diet to improve my health. Having a goal with a reasonable timeline is important to help identify where you are, and where you want to be. Visualization helps me channel energy towards my goals. 

It's all coming together, and when it does, what a wonderful day that will be! Living with freedom from judgement, anger, materialistic desires; just an inner peace that surpasses all understanding. That will create the greatest sense of health and well being know to mankind.